wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
