how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
