WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
