The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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