i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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