Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize