I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
