i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This baby is an asshole
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
