Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
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After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
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I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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