I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
