She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
