Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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