I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My cat gives me a boner
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
