matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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