matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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