So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?