I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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