it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
