Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
