please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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