fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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