i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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