she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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