dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
