We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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