My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
