before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
