I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
How's work?
Spinning.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
