Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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