Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
