I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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