Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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