We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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