There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
