If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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