Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
