I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
