for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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