Please don't use social media to get back at me.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
