why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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