I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
