Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
