I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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