Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
