Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
