I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
