everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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