Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
These tits shall not be calmed
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
