well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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