It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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