i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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