Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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