I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
