I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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