I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
