yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
