Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
