thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
