angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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