her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
