he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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