You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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