Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize