So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize