i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
