She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
