I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
