Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
