We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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