I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
