She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize