just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
