I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
