well you can't waste a boner
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
