My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
