Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize