i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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