very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
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I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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