god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
