I faked an abortion last night.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She announced her abortion via fbk
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
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You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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