I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
