you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
