See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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