Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
