I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
