I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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