Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I love you.
Bad choice
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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