there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
