and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
