Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
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The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
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Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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